Excerpt from "The Writing of 'Amok Time' "
Script Timeline
Gene Roddenberry concept: December 5, 1966. Theodore Sturgeon’s pitch notes, “Spock Blows Top”: December 6, 1966. Sturgeon’s story outline, ST #41, “Amok Time”: December 12, 1966. Sturgeon’s 1st Draft teleplay: March 29, 1967. Sturgeon’s 2nd Draft teleplay: May 5, 1967. D.C. Fontana’s rewrite (Mimeo Department “Yellow Cover 1st Draft”): Mid May 1967. Gene Coon’s script polish (Final Draft teleplay): May 31, 1967. Gene Roddenberry’s script polish (Revised Final Draft teleplay): June 1, 1967. Gene Coon’s second script polish (2nd Revised Final Draft teleplay): June 5, 1967. Additional revised script pages by Coon: June 7 & 8, 1967. |
Gene Roddenberry, brainstorming with Gene Coon, hatched the idea for “Amok Time.” The premise was then handed to sci-fi novelist Theodore Sturgeon, coming off his first Star Trek writing job -- “Shore Leave.” This second assignment for Sturgeon was meant to be part of the first season, among the last episodes produced.
On December 15, 1966, of Sturgeon’s story treatment, NBC’s Stan Robertson wrote:
On December 15, 1966, of Sturgeon’s story treatment, NBC’s Stan Robertson wrote:
This is a superior outline and one which should add more to the in-depth audience appeal for Mr. Spock. (SR34)
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Robertson immediately saw the potential in this story to be among the best in the series and, from a broadcasting point of view, the most important. And that demanded it be given special attention.
In Sturgeon’s outline, Spock is observed acting strangely by many in the crew, far more than in the filmed version. Robertson was instrumental in changing this, telling Coon:
In Sturgeon’s outline, Spock is observed acting strangely by many in the crew, far more than in the filmed version. Robertson was instrumental in changing this, telling Coon:
I think we should minimize any attempts on the author’s part of having Spock running around the ship and being engaged in various little cameos with the other members of the crew, to point out that there is something amiss with him. We have done this several times in other stories with Spock and various other members of our permanent crew [Kirk in “The Enemy Within,” Spock in “Operation: Annihilate!” and everyone in “The Naked Time” and “This Side of Paradise”]. The point is that we can show Spock’s condition by briefly playing it off McCoy and Kirk, who are more involved with him than others. (SR34)
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In Sturgeon’s first take on the story, Kirk was skeptical over the news from McCoy that Spock’s condition was serious to the point of life or death. Robertson wrote:
I think Kirk’s reaction to being told that he must get Spock to the planet Vulcan as soon as possible or Spock will die is not keeping with the warm characterization of our starship captain. We realize that he must consider what is best for the entire spaceship, but he, more than anyone aboard, knows Spock and is closer to him, so it seems his reactions would be a little different than outlined here. (SR34)
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Wanting to see more of Vulcan than the outline depicted, and more Vulcans than just the one girl Spock was to marry, Robertson warned:
The planet Vulcan, and those who inhabit it, have been built as such a mystery throughout our series that unless we establish more of the planet than is outlined here, and unless we show some other Vulcans other than the girl, we will indeed be “cheating” our viewers. (SR34)
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The monarch T’Pau would be added, as would Stonn and numerous others in the marriage procession.
Robertson felt Kirk needed a better reason to fight Spock than the original treatment indicated, where he only engaged in the combat because he was chosen and the Vulcan law demanded his involvement. Robertson suggested that Kirk proceed “perhaps with the idea that it would save Spock’s life.”
Added into the script, Kirk’s line to McCoy, “You said this fight might save his life. So I’ll give it to him. What’s a black eye against that? Besides, that’s T’Pau of Vulcan over there. All Vulcan in one package. Do you think I can back out in front of her?”
Robertson also wanted better clarification as to why Spock would die if not returned to Vulcan, and this led to the chilling comparison to salmon swimming up stream.
With these notes in hand, Sturgeon was sent home to write the script.
Dorothy Fontana said, “‘Amok Time’ took a lot of time to get out of Ted Sturgeon, who wasn’t really used to television pace. He was used to writing his short stories and his novels at his own speed.” (64-1)
It was now clear that this was going to be a Second Season episode. Regardless, three months after Sturgeon had started the script, Roddenberry sent word to the writer’s agent:
Robertson felt Kirk needed a better reason to fight Spock than the original treatment indicated, where he only engaged in the combat because he was chosen and the Vulcan law demanded his involvement. Robertson suggested that Kirk proceed “perhaps with the idea that it would save Spock’s life.”
Added into the script, Kirk’s line to McCoy, “You said this fight might save his life. So I’ll give it to him. What’s a black eye against that? Besides, that’s T’Pau of Vulcan over there. All Vulcan in one package. Do you think I can back out in front of her?”
Robertson also wanted better clarification as to why Spock would die if not returned to Vulcan, and this led to the chilling comparison to salmon swimming up stream.
With these notes in hand, Sturgeon was sent home to write the script.
Dorothy Fontana said, “‘Amok Time’ took a lot of time to get out of Ted Sturgeon, who wasn’t really used to television pace. He was used to writing his short stories and his novels at his own speed.” (64-1)
It was now clear that this was going to be a Second Season episode. Regardless, three months after Sturgeon had started the script, Roddenberry sent word to the writer’s agent:
We must get our first draft from Ted Sturgeon soon or regretfully cut him off and assign the project to another writer. Where is he, how is he, what is he doing? (GR34-1)
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Sturgeon relented and sent in what he had on paper ... so far. Robert Justman was quick to respond, writing to Roddenberry:
I have read the first two acts of “Amok Time” as submitted by Ted Sturgeon on March 29, 1967. I find it hard to receive only two acts of this epic. Is it because we will receive the next two acts next season?! (RJ34-1)
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Pete Sloman of De Forest Research, who read all the Star Trek scripts, along with Joan Pearce, for technical accuracy, was accustomed to the hurry-up-and-wait drill whenever Theodore Sturgeon was put on assignment. He said, “Sturgeon was very famous for turning in scripts anywhere between two days and two weeks after the shoot date, because he just couldn’t get it done in time.” (158a)
And this meant that “shoot dates” had to constantly be pushed back. It had happened with “Shore Leave.” It was happening now with “Amok Time.” It would happen again with further story and script assignments given to Sturgeon -- stories and scripts that would never find their way in front of the camera due to the writer’s tardiness.
More pressure was put on Sturgeon. The balance of the script was delivered a few days later.
Robert Justman and Dorothy Fontana each had much to say about the 1st Draft script which, coming from Ted Sturgeon, as with “Shore Leave,” was an imaginative but loosely structured tale.
In a seven-page memo to Roddenberry, Justman said:
And this meant that “shoot dates” had to constantly be pushed back. It had happened with “Shore Leave.” It was happening now with “Amok Time.” It would happen again with further story and script assignments given to Sturgeon -- stories and scripts that would never find their way in front of the camera due to the writer’s tardiness.
More pressure was put on Sturgeon. The balance of the script was delivered a few days later.
Robert Justman and Dorothy Fontana each had much to say about the 1st Draft script which, coming from Ted Sturgeon, as with “Shore Leave,” was an imaginative but loosely structured tale.
In a seven-page memo to Roddenberry, Justman said:
Naturally, I am very pleased by the concept of this script. So, therefore, enough of praise and let me get on with the areas I would like to have fixed…. At times in the story we tend to get very cute and precious. We should not get so cute and precious that people start laughing at us rather than with us. (RJ34-1)
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Roddenberry, a firm believer in keeping Star Trek serious and as far away as possible from the campiness of Lost in Space, agreed. Surgeon was instructed to be less cute and less precious.
Fontana, with her four-page memo to Roddenberry, took issue with a character Sturgeon had invented -- Maggie, a young female crew member smitten with Mr. Spock. D.C. wrote:
Fontana, with her four-page memo to Roddenberry, took issue with a character Sturgeon had invented -- Maggie, a young female crew member smitten with Mr. Spock. D.C. wrote:
We should eliminate the whole Maggie-in-love bit. If you really insist on having some female sick at heart over Spock’s “marriage,” why not pick up the “Naked Time” relationship of Christine Chapel in love with Spock? Christine, at least, is a mature woman we have met before and know -- not some drippy-eyed kid we don’t care about. Needless to say, any replacement of Maggie by Christine would also require a different approach to the character and her feelings for Spock on a much more adult level. (DC34)
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Maggie was taken out, Christine Chapel was put in.
Regarding further changes, Justman was the instigator of a couple of excellent scenes. He told Roddenberry:
Regarding further changes, Justman was the instigator of a couple of excellent scenes. He told Roddenberry:
I think one of the weaknesses of this script is that we do a lot of talking about how Mr. Spock is suffering, but we are never alone with him to actually see him attempting to control himself. (RJ34-1)
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The scenes eventually to be added included a tormented Spock staring hypnotically at his computer monitor, studying the picture of a female Vulcan child (T’Pring, age 7) and, later, smashing that same monitor with his fist when Uhura calls from the bridge.
Regarding the arrival of the marriage party on Vulcan, Fontana wrote:
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Justman echoed this, writing:
I suggest that the welcoming committee should arrive by some other means. Would you believe walking? (RJ34-1)
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Roddenberry and Coon opted for a sedan carried by a couple of muscular Vulcan males.
Neither Justman nor Fontana thought much of Sturgeon’s invention of a Vulcan language, or the many instances of its use, including numerous pages of Vulcans talking to Vulcans in Vulcan. Fontana begged Roddenberry:
Neither Justman nor Fontana thought much of Sturgeon’s invention of a Vulcan language, or the many instances of its use, including numerous pages of Vulcans talking to Vulcans in Vulcan. Fontana begged Roddenberry:
PLEASE eliminate all the Vulcan dialogue and keep it in English. Saves translation and it will keep everyone informed of which player is where. Also, I anticipate the biggest laugh of the year in Scene 58 when T’Pring utters some kind of large Vulcan pronouncement and Spock stares back at her, saying, “T’Pring! Klart!” (DC34)
Justman referred to Sturgeon Vulcan-speak as “mumble-jumbo” and told Roddenberry: I think for the purpose of our viewing audience, all conversations should be in English. However, we can space the Vulcans’ speeches with various esoteric words from time to time -- which should add sufficient flavor. By the way, I liked the language that our lady from New Orleans invented in the [script] “Shun-Daki.” It sounded and read like a real language, as opposed to the words contained within this script. (RJ34-1) |
The lady from New Orleans was Darlene Hartman, who had submitted unsolicited stories, and even a full spec script, to Star Trek. Roddenberry and Coon had taken a liking to Hartman, who would one day blossom into a successful and well regarded science fiction author, and they would soon put her on assignment for the script “Shol” (to be discussed later).
Gene Coon’s secretary, Ande Richardson-Kindryd, said, “Kellam de Forest was a lovely man and he was really good, but Peter Sloman and Joan Pearce were the reader and the second reader on the Star Trek scripts. I think Peter created the Vulcan language after the writers first played around with it. I remember him going crazy one day because the syntax wasn’t correct. I said, ‘Peter, you’re creating a language; only you will know if that is the correct verb or not.’ They were the brightest people. Joan’s specialty was England; anything British; anything to do with royalty. And Peter had his specialties -- language, regional dialect, slang, as well as anything to do with science fiction. Everyone had an area so that if a script came in, you had a second read for someone who had the experience. They had a lot of books, I’ll tell you. They had books everywhere! And they were always on the phones calling somebody. That’s how you did it before everyone had a computer on their desk -- a computer like Spock had. Those were still just ideas on Star Trek.” (144a)
Pete Sloman said, “They did try on Star Trek. And they got many things right. But one of their problems was their TV writers didn’t understand science fiction, and their science fiction writers didn’t understand TV. And that’s why you had wonderful scripts from people like Theodore Sturgeon and Jerry Bixby and Harlan Ellison which would have to go through so many changes. And then you had an occasional TV writer who just didn’t understand the concept of what science fiction was all about. It was a very tight and very narrow sort of walkway that Roddenberry and all these other people were on. So the scientific accuracy of Star Trek could have been a lot better. But it could have been so much worse, that I give them an absolute A+ for effort.” (158a)
As for Spock’s competitor for the hand of T’Pring, later to be named Stonn, Sturgeon had come up with a name that amused Justman, who wrote Roddenberry:
Gene Coon’s secretary, Ande Richardson-Kindryd, said, “Kellam de Forest was a lovely man and he was really good, but Peter Sloman and Joan Pearce were the reader and the second reader on the Star Trek scripts. I think Peter created the Vulcan language after the writers first played around with it. I remember him going crazy one day because the syntax wasn’t correct. I said, ‘Peter, you’re creating a language; only you will know if that is the correct verb or not.’ They were the brightest people. Joan’s specialty was England; anything British; anything to do with royalty. And Peter had his specialties -- language, regional dialect, slang, as well as anything to do with science fiction. Everyone had an area so that if a script came in, you had a second read for someone who had the experience. They had a lot of books, I’ll tell you. They had books everywhere! And they were always on the phones calling somebody. That’s how you did it before everyone had a computer on their desk -- a computer like Spock had. Those were still just ideas on Star Trek.” (144a)
Pete Sloman said, “They did try on Star Trek. And they got many things right. But one of their problems was their TV writers didn’t understand science fiction, and their science fiction writers didn’t understand TV. And that’s why you had wonderful scripts from people like Theodore Sturgeon and Jerry Bixby and Harlan Ellison which would have to go through so many changes. And then you had an occasional TV writer who just didn’t understand the concept of what science fiction was all about. It was a very tight and very narrow sort of walkway that Roddenberry and all these other people were on. So the scientific accuracy of Star Trek could have been a lot better. But it could have been so much worse, that I give them an absolute A+ for effort.” (158a)
As for Spock’s competitor for the hand of T’Pring, later to be named Stonn, Sturgeon had come up with a name that amused Justman, who wrote Roddenberry:
I think the writer has made a Freudian slip in naming Spock’s rival. Spor is an interesting name. It has a certain built-in connotation. How about re-naming him Sperm? (RJ34-1)
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And then there was an unintentionally funny sequence as T’Pring spins around, again and again, before pointing out her challenger to Spock’s marriage rights. Justman wrote:
We are missing a good bit when Spock’s lady friend chooses his opponent. First of all, she should hesitate and lead the audience to believe that she is going to select that great big Mr. Spor to fight with Mr. Spock. And then, at the last minute, she should turn and indicate Captain Kirk. After all, if you’re going to set up the character of Spor, we ought to do something with it -- at least we ought to do something more than we presently have in this version of the script. And, anyhow, I fall down and laugh every time we spin Spock’s girl friend around like a “gyroscope.” (RJ34-1)
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Fontana was falling down, too, but not necessarily laughing. She said:
Can we have another way for T’Pring to pick her champion rather than spinning around like a dervish and stopping to point at Kirk? (DC34)
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Regarding Sturgeon’s wish that there be a viewing audience to witness the fight, Justman wrote:
Why raise the point of the whole world watching this mortal combat if we never show the whole world watching this mortal combat? Why don’t we just not refer to it and stay out of trouble? This will also save our establishing a certain similarity between this show and the script that John Kneubuhl is writing [“Bread and Circuses,” which, among other things, lampooned network television]. (RJ34-1)
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Fontana responded similarly, writing:
There are references here and earlier to “a whole world watching.” Is this on Candid Camera? I don’t know if we would like a whole world which intrudes on what is basically a personal ceremony. Do they also watch the “spawning”? I’ll bet they don’t have NBC Broadcast Standards to contend with. (DC34)
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The reference was removed.
Regarding the climactic fight scene, Fontana wrote:
Regarding the climactic fight scene, Fontana wrote:
Leonard [Nimoy] will kill himself if he must do Scene 62 in which he behaves like a snorting bull. I strongly recommend an examination of the dialogue and characters here. (DC34)
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In his memo, Justman said:
Spock starts acting like King Kong. I believe that this is the wrong way for Mr. Spock to behave.… I think that we should still attempt to play the fact he is barely keeping himself under control -- but he shouldn’t snort and beat himself on the chest and exclaim loudly, “Kikki-nee klart!” (RJ34-1)
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The snorting and beating was replaced with:
Spock looks toward Kirk and there is absolutely no sign of recognition in his eyes. He scowls.
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The “Kikki-nee klart” was replaced by something less likely to prompt snickers -- “Klee-fah!”
The staff notes were on Roddenberry’s desk. Now, what to say to Sturgeon? The last time Roddenberry sent rewrite instructions to Theodore Sturgeon, regarding the 1st Draft of “Shore Leave,” Sturgeon responded with a letter filled with hurt and anger. So Roddenberry chose a different tack this time. He gave the task to Coon.
Gene Coon’s letter to Sturgeon was somewhat short, for Coon, that is. It ran eight pages. Coon opened gently, writing:
The staff notes were on Roddenberry’s desk. Now, what to say to Sturgeon? The last time Roddenberry sent rewrite instructions to Theodore Sturgeon, regarding the 1st Draft of “Shore Leave,” Sturgeon responded with a letter filled with hurt and anger. So Roddenberry chose a different tack this time. He gave the task to Coon.
Gene Coon’s letter to Sturgeon was somewhat short, for Coon, that is. It ran eight pages. Coon opened gently, writing:
First of all, Ted, let me say that we are all generally pleased with the first draft of “Amok Time,” although, of course, a certain amount of polishing and so on will be necessary. (GC34-2)
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“A certain amount of polishing” translated to “a great deal of rewriting.” Coon’s memo continued:
We have to learn why Spock will die if he doesn’t get to Vulcan in eight days. What kills him? Swollen gonads?… [And] since we have established that Spock either gets to Vulcan within eight days or dies, why doesn’t he do so when he doesn’t get married or laid? We must establish a sound explanation and have it explained or a lot of people will be unhappy with us.… I have met with some resentment on the name “Spor” from Bob Justman. He thinks it might be slightly… suggestive.… I know, Ted, you have gone to a great deal of trouble to invent the Vulcan language, but people just don’t dig invented languages… and actors never seem to be able to sell them.… If the entire world is watching their ceremony, we get the feeling it is much like when a young couple gets married on Earth today, then the groom takes the bride to bed on The Tonight Show.… I would much prefer not to see Spock do a bad imitation of King Kong by striking himself on the chest and snorting.… We play Spock as being unemotional when he sincerely thinks that he has killed his captain. For heaven’s sake, at this point let him register some honest surprise, some reaction, some overt human emotion. And let him not be ashamed of it! (GC34-2)
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Among the many critiques, Coon did as D.C. Fontana had hoped and told Sturgeon to replace the far-too-young and far-too-annoying lovesick crew girl Maggie with the older, more palatable, lovesick Nurse Chapel.
Theodore Sturgeon did not respond with an angry letter but, after two weeks of silence, by sending in his 2nd Draft teleplay.
Roddenberry told Coon that he liked the script, “generally,” saying:
Theodore Sturgeon did not respond with an angry letter but, after two weeks of silence, by sending in his 2nd Draft teleplay.
Roddenberry told Coon that he liked the script, “generally,” saying:
Ted’s writing has a vitality which is good for the show. He is beginning to understand our format and our characters and should do increasingly better scripts provided we see he is always launched off with a good, sound story. It seems to me the more action and jeopardies [sic] in the story, the less inclined he will be to make the script talky. (GR34-3)
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But Roddenberry also had issues. He took notice that Spock was now more often talked about than seen, and told Coon:
If he wrote the scenes with Spock in them, Ted would be forced to feel along with Spock and that would hurt and it is much less painful to keep it at a distance, talk about it rather than feel it. Sure, it hurts to be a Vulcan coming into heat. But the writer has to feel that hurt in order to write it -- and the audience is going to have to feel it or we won’t have a teleplay which takes advantage of everything inherent in the story. (GR34-3)
Finally, after eight pages of concerns and complaints, Roddenberry warned Coon: This is a critical script for Star Trek! There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that the Spock characterization has caught the public’s fancy. Carelessness now may see that character and characterization irreparably damaged. This must be one of our best and most carefully thought out scripts of the year. If there is any doubt about this, I would much rather see this episode shot a month or two from now, replaced with something less important which we can quickly hammer into shape. Let’s not rush this one! (GR34-3) |
The script was not sent back to Theodore Sturgeon for further work but, instead, handed off to Dorothy Fontana. Her rewrite -- the Yellow Cover 1st Draft -- was the first version to be distributed to the cast.
Fontana later said, “Mostly, again, it was pulling together things that were not Star Trek and making them Star Trek. There were some glitches, like the first scene, as I wrote it, you see Nurse Chapel going into Spock’s quarters and she has the soup, and then she comes out screaming and the soup comes flying out after her. The way Ted originally wrote that scene was that Chapel comes to Kirk and says, in a sense, ‘You should see what just happened; what Spock did.’ You can’t do that. You have to show it. You can’t say, ‘You should have seen it.’ Yes, you should have seen it. It was things like that. And then, with the so-called love story -- the bride and the man she really wants -- I put in the fact that she was very calculating, saying, ‘You’ll be gone. I’ll still be here, and Stonn will be here.’ Like the Julie Newmar character [in “Friday’s Child”], but Gene didn’t allow it there. So I brought some of that into this one.… [And] the characters needed to be more clearly defined and motivated and -- since I had become the resident “Vulcan expert” -- I got that task.… But delving into the Vulcan culture that nobody had ever seen before -- the ceremony, the formality, this woman who was head of the council, T’Pau -- that was all basically Sturgeon. But we made it more Star Trek.” (64-3)
Pleased with Fontana’s rewrite, Leonard Nimoy wrote to Roddenberry:
Fontana later said, “Mostly, again, it was pulling together things that were not Star Trek and making them Star Trek. There were some glitches, like the first scene, as I wrote it, you see Nurse Chapel going into Spock’s quarters and she has the soup, and then she comes out screaming and the soup comes flying out after her. The way Ted originally wrote that scene was that Chapel comes to Kirk and says, in a sense, ‘You should see what just happened; what Spock did.’ You can’t do that. You have to show it. You can’t say, ‘You should have seen it.’ Yes, you should have seen it. It was things like that. And then, with the so-called love story -- the bride and the man she really wants -- I put in the fact that she was very calculating, saying, ‘You’ll be gone. I’ll still be here, and Stonn will be here.’ Like the Julie Newmar character [in “Friday’s Child”], but Gene didn’t allow it there. So I brought some of that into this one.… [And] the characters needed to be more clearly defined and motivated and -- since I had become the resident “Vulcan expert” -- I got that task.… But delving into the Vulcan culture that nobody had ever seen before -- the ceremony, the formality, this woman who was head of the council, T’Pau -- that was all basically Sturgeon. But we made it more Star Trek.” (64-3)
Pleased with Fontana’s rewrite, Leonard Nimoy wrote to Roddenberry:
Have just finished reading “Amok Time” and am very, very happy with it. I think that the story very successfully involves all our central characters in strong and meaningful relationships. There’s a strong line of suspense and emotional contact throughout the script. (LN34)
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But Nimoy didn’t appreciate Spock showing an “emotional experience with Kirk” at the conclusion of the story, especially since it was to be played in front of McCoy and Nurse Chapel. Recalling his suggestion for “The Naked Time,” he wrote:
I think that Spock would go off and do that by himself. (LN34)
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In that earlier episode, Nimoy’s recommendation was dead-on, leading to the excellent scene in which Spock had his breakdown alone in the briefing room. Here, however, the writers -- Sturgeon and Fontana -- had the better idea. Audience reaction regarding the highly emotional scene has long since proved them right.
Nimoy concluded:
Nimoy concluded:
All in all, a very gratifying script to read and am looking forward with great pleasure to shooting it. (LN34)
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Robert Justman and director Joseph Pevney felt there was still more work to do. Justman wrote Coon:
Later the spelling would be changed to “kroykah.”
Gene Coon had his turn with the script and, especially, Act IV. His version was the Final Draft, dated May 31. Gene Roddenberry left his imprint on the script, as well, for a Revised Final Draft, dated June 1. Coon got it back for a 2nd Revised Final Draft from June 5, plus two additional sets of page revisions from June 7 and 8. Finally, all were satisfied. They had to be -- production was to begin the next day. |
* While some of the images in the excepts are shown in color, all images in the book are in black and white.
Watch the reading from “These Are the Voyages: TOS: Season Two” “Amok Time” at the Burbank Central Library on May 20, 2014. This is the last recorded appearance of Arlene Martel. Also reading were Vic Mignogna, Larry Nemecek and Marc Cushman.